chapter 77

word count: 1793

what had started out as a casual morning of drinking, just to get straight,, had ended with trudy lying huddled against a cold cement wall in a holding cell in the  bowels of the new albany police departments,  department of corrections.. 

“hunt!!” 

from somewhere outside of her throbbing head,, trudy heard someone calling out a familiar name,, but was immediately unable to connect the dots and realize it was her name that was being called out.

“hunt!!” the matron called out again , this time louder,, and in toned with aggravation.. 

“hunt!! front and center!!”

trudy painfully opened one eye.. 

“shit!” she whispered weakly under her breath,, as the events of the previous day began trickling back in disjointed waves.. 

“hunt!!”

“over here.”  trudy’s reply was barely audible,, but rang out so loudly within the confines of her own aching head,, that she was sure she had shouted it.. 

“hunt!!” the matron,, visibly annoyed,, opened the cell door,, and proceeded to step into the cell fully intending to collect the aforementioned detainee forcibly, if necessary.. 

“hunt!!” she called out at the top of her lungs,, her words reverberating off the back of trudy’s skull like a gong had been struck.. 

“over here!” trudy did her best to call out.. 

the matron heard her weak response,, and closed in.. she grabbed trudy by the collar, and dragged her to her feet.

“on your feet!!” she ordered as she tightened her grasp on trudy’s collar,, and forcibly directed her toward the door of the holding cell. 

“let’s go,, you've got a magistrate waiting for you.. move it!!”

an audible “ugh..” passed over trudy’s lips as she was dragged through the holding cell..  the sound of the heavy iron door slamming behind her was almost more than she could bare..  her knees nearly gave way,, as the sturdy matron dragged her through the echoing corridor and pushed her into a waiting elevator.. 

“wake it up!!” the matron ordered,, as trudy tried to gain her bearings, gripping the handrail in the elevator as it launched her and her churning stomach upward.. 

as the elevator clicked off the approaching floors between the basement holding cells and the eighth floor courtrooms,, trudy tried her best to gather her thoughts and remember what had happened.. what had led her to this painful moment in time?? 

she had a fleeting recollection of entering the precinct,, she remembered she was there looking for gil.. that bastard hadn’t followed through on a single meet up this past week.. he was blowing her off,, and trudy was pissed.. a quick flash of gil embracing some blue clad woman she did not recognize,, probably a fellow officer,, and then the lights went off.. she could remember no more.. 

“let’s go!!” barked the matron as the doors opened,, and a bedraggled trudy was led through the polished hallway,, and pushed through the heavy wooden doors of the courtroom.. the matron led her to a long wooden bench,, shoved her back into a seated position,, and  with a thoroughly disgusted “hump!!’ took her place at trudy’s side.. 

the courtroom was already in session.. trudy peered out from behind her tousled bangs,, scanning the gallery of onlookers for a familiar face.. surely someone was here to get her out of this mess.. gil?? john?? buzz? 

as she scanned the crowd in disbelief,, she heard her name being called by the clerk,, and felt a sharp yank on her arm.. the matron showed her no mercy,, as she nearly dragged trudy before the magistrate.. 

a mangled jumble of words passed thru her semi-conscious brain,, only to be concluded with a resounding, “remand!! bail set at $500,000.00!!” followed by the heavy slap of the judges gavel on its thick wooden base..

the steep sum of money,, shook something loose in trudy’s brain..  $500,000.00?? surely they couldn’t be talking about her.. what could she possibly have done to deserve that??

“hey,, wait a minute!!” she called out to the courtroom in general,, hoping someone, anyone, would hear her cry and come to her aid.. 

“let go of me!!” she shouted at the matron, who had a firm grasp on her forearm,, and was dragging her toward the women’s holding cell just off the courtroom floor..

trudy tried her best to wiggle free of the matrons tightening fingers.. 

“what the fuck is going on here!! let me go!!” she shouted to no avail.. the matron held on tight as she keyed some numbers into the touch pad and the holding cells door audibly clicked open.. she did not release her lock like hold on trudy’s arm until she pushed her into the cell, and quickly slammed the solid metal cell door closed behind her.. 

trudy banged on the door.. the deafening sound of her own fists pounding miserably against the walls of her alcohol addled brain.. she screamed out,, she kicked the door,, she continued screaming and banging and kicking,, until even she herself could not take the pain of all the noise she was making.. 

it was then the seriousness of her situation set in.. she crumpled to the floor,, just inside the courtroom holding cell door,, and proceeded to sob uncontrollably.. she had no recollection past seeing gil in the embrace of that woman,, that cop..  

“won’t somebody at least tell me what i’ve done??” she cried out in heaves between the raging tears.. 

“shut the fuck up!!” rang out loudly ,, and echoed against the metal walls of the holding cell. 

trudy turned slowly to see a rather large woman seated on the cold steel bench behind her.. 

“shut the fuck up!!.. all that blubberin’ ain’t gonna get you nowhere.” the he-woman continued.. 

“nowhere but back in front of the magistrate facing a contempt charge.”

trudy drew her legs up under her,, she rolled into a tight protective ball on the floor and continued to sob,, but this time with restraint, and in silence.. the fact that no one had come to her aid,, was settling in.. she was beginning to realize that for the first time in her life,, she was alone.. 

and there was no way she was gonna fuck her way out of this one..

***

buzz accepted the officers help,, and eased himself down into the chair he had provided.. he took a quick sweep around the squad room.. nothing much had changed in his absence.. same cubicles, same din of both cell phones and land lines rising above the same sound of fingers tapping diligently on keyboards.. his eyes came to rest on the door to his office.. for a moment he allowed himself to wonder,, if everything in there was just as he left it.. 

he sat in an uncomfortable silence,, for a matter of minutes,, just taking in his surroundings,, as the squad room settled back into the days routine,, and he felt he had the strength to make the trek across the room and into the privacy of his own office.. 

“here, lemme help you.” offered a nearby blue suit he couldn’t instantly put a name to..

“naw,, it’s ok,, i got this.” buzz shook off the officers offer,, firmly placed his cane upon the scuffed linoleum floor and limped his way through the squad room,, and toward his office door.. 

as he eased himself into the old familiar chair behind his desk,, he realized there was no overflowing pile of papers awaiting his signature.. in fact there was nothing on his desk at all.. his in box as well as his out box stood naked before him.. the department had evidently just gone on without him.. 

that fact brought to him the realization,, that everything he once thought he had total control over,, had slipped through his once capable hands.. his department, his son, even his poor departed wife jeannie,, had all functioned quite well in his absence..  he couldn’t help but wonder where he fit in.. if everything he once believed he ruled with an iron fist,, could run smoothly without any input from him,, what did that have to say about his over inflated sense of self?? 

his train of thought closed in on adam.. he had lost all control over him.. perhaps,, he had never really had any control over him outside of his booming threats,, and rough handling.. maybe adam was as troubled as the nurse had tried to portray him.. maybe he did need the help of a psychologist.. maybe buzzes own lack of control had lead them straight to this point of seemingly no return..

adam.. his son.. the same son that had wished him dead only a few short weeks before.. the same son that had evidently cut deep gashes in his own arms as a way of lashing out at all the pain and insecurity he was feeling,, very possibly the direct result of buzzes lack of parenting skills,, coupled with his inability to be a decent husband.. 

“what the fuck am i doing here??” buzz raged at himself as the realization that he should be home with his son hit him like a sledge hammer.. 

“the department is fine.. they don’t need me..” he concluded as he pulled himself into a standing position on the edge of his cold empty desk.. 

“ i gotta get home.. i gotta get back to adam.” he repeated to himself,, as he hobbled his way through the distracted squad room without so much as a ‘see you later’ to his fellow officers as they diligently focused on the tasks at hand..

buzz punched the down button on the elevator door.. without a moment’s hesitation the door opened,, and buzz carefully placed his cane onto the floor of the elevator in effort to ease his passage over the  metal floorboards that connected the elevator to the slick linoleum squad room floor.. 

head bent as he navigated his way over the protruding metal and into the carpeted elevator,,  buzz failed to see what was left of a very defeated trudy standing limply in the elevator,, held erect by the strong arm of the matron that accompanied her.. 

“buzz?” he heard a weak voice call out his name. 

“buzz, is that you?” 

he looked up to see a war torn trudy,, clothes rumpled,, mascara running down  her face,, her usually red stained lips, devoid of all color, looking dry and cracked,, as she leaned against the wall of the elevator just in front of him..

“trudy??” buzz queried,, even though he knew for a fact that it was her.. 

“buzz!!” trudy said in a tone that suggested she might at last be coming out of the remains of her near toxic hangover..

“buzz,, you gotta help me!! you just gotta help me!!!”