chapter 65

 

word count:  1655

as the last slurp of backwash slipped past buzz’s beer drenched lips,, he decided he would make himself a sandwich (eating after a good night of drinking always kept the hang over at bay) and then hit the hay..

it was late,, and adam would be up before he knew it.. although the chances that mrs. dunn would spend the whole night out were slim,, if he did have to get up with adam, buzz wanted to be half way “with it” when he did..  after all,, it was the least that he could do for the kid..  

adam had been through so much.. he had barely shed a tear at his mother’s passing,, and even a calloused old soul like buzz knew that meant he was not dealing with any of his emotions,, but rather harboring them all inside.. in light of all he had come to know about adam’s past deviant  behavior’s thanks to hank and gil dropping the bomb on him and jeannie in the hospital,, buzz knew adam was in emotional overload.. after all,, how much could a seven year old kid take??

he hadn’t had the heart to confront adam about any of the scenarios that he had become privy to that day at the hospital, (that now seemed like a lifetime ago)  but he knew the day was soon to come,,  and he would have to.. he owed it to the boy.. he had been a lousy father,, and an even worse husband.. he couldn’t do anything more to make it up to jeannie,, god rest her tortured soul,, but he still had adam,, and as long as they had each other,, there was still a chance.. 

buzz lathered up a couple slices of sour dough bread with a healthy dose of mayo,, decided he was hungrier than he had originally thought he was,, and lathered up a couple of more.. he piled them high with shaved turkey breast,, slapped on a couple iceberg lettuce leaves,, and  limped his way between counter top and chair,, and back to the table..

he looked around him at the table and counter tops littered with empty beer cans..  is this what his life had become? where had the buzz miller that could conquer the world gone?? had he been reduced to nothing more than a lone drunk, in an empty house,, surrounded by nothing but painful reminders of his own insurmountable failures??

buzz dropped his half eaten sandwich down on the paper towel he was using in lieu of a plate,, and rubbed his bloodshot eyes.. he wished he had another beer.. just one more,, to wash it all down.. to wash it all away.. 

just as he was stuffing the last crust of his second sandwich in his mouth,, he heard a key turn in the lock.. 

“shit!” he exclaimed as he made a last ditch effort to toss all the stray beer cans in the trash before mrs. dunn made it to the kitchen..

“mr. miller??”  mrs. dunn  called out as she clicked her way through the living room,, on her way to the kitchen.. “is that you??”

“um, yep,, it’s me!” buzz called out over he ding of beer cans being tossed hastily in the general direction of the garbage can.. 

“what are you…” mrs. dun started,, as she turned the corner into the kitchen.

“mr. miller!! you know it is against doctors’ orders for you to drink!! you are still on medication!! you could have an adverse reaction!! what on earth were you thinking?? what would become of your little adam if he lost you too??” she rapid fired questions at him as he stood there,, caught like a deer in the headlights.. 

“i know.. i know..  it’s just that…”

“it’s just that nothing!!” exclaimed mrs. dunn , as she stood hands on her hips, clearly disgusted.. 

“if i have to stay home and watch you every moment i will.. someone has to put some emphasis on what is best for adam,, and it is clear that you are incapable of doing so if left up to your own devises!!” she rebuked him,, as she waved her hands at him,, signaling him to get out of the kitchen,, and better yet,, out of her sight altogether..

***

despite the fact that buzz had filed a formal complaint against him,, after he got physical with him at jeannie’s funeral,, those in command had taken the distraught state of his mind into consideration,, and decided not to fire hank bower.. they had however put him on administrative leave without pay until the matter could be thoroughly investigated.. 

it had been three weeks,, and still there had been no official decision in the matter..  hank sat alone in the dark,, the blue white light of the tv flashing before him,, as he mindlessly surfed through the vast sea of cable channels looking for something that would divert his attentions from the black could of his ever present predicament.. 

had he done enough?? could he have done more?? could jeannie have been saved if he had told her the truth?? the truth about how much he had come to care for her,, no love her?? would it have made a difference?? would jeannie be here today if he had??

plagued with an unceasing barrage of unanswerable questions, hank decided to call it a night.. he clicked off the tv,, and stumbled over his own shoes as he made his way in the dark toward the bedroom..  before his eyes had even adjusted to the darkness,, the unmistakable theme song  from law and order began emanating from his cell phone.. 

“where is the goddam thing?” hank barked aloud,, as he switched on the hall light and headed in the general direction of law and order’s ever familiar “dun dun” as it rang out from his cell. he located it on the coffee table,, but not before the call had already been sent to voicemail.. it had been gil.. he sat down to wait a minute and see if he had left him a message.. 

sure enough,, the cell beeped signifying a message had been left,, so hank clicked through to find out what was going on.. it had to be something important for gil to be calling at this time of night,, as since his suspension he had been more or less left out of the loop and middle of the night calls were no longer the norm.. 

“bower!! bettancourt here. the toxicology just came in on jeannie miller.. you are not gonna fucking believe this!! call me back asap!!” 

hank could tell by the fervor in gil’s voice,, something big was going down.. he hit the call button.. gil picked up on the first ring.. 

“gil!” hank exclaimed into the phone..

“thank god!” gil sounded agitated. “i thought you might not get this till morning. i’ve got news,, big news.. jeannie miller did not die as a result of a fatal drug interaction as was originally concluded by the coroner.. you’re not gonna fucking believe this,, butshe died of complications induced by acute nerium oleander poisoning!!”

“what the fuck??” hank, caught totally off guard by the news barked into the phone,, as his thoughts bounced at lightning speed back and forth inside his head.. 

“the levels of toxin were so low, that it took a second lab to confirm its existence,, but sure enough,, somehow she ingested a low dose of fucking oleander,, and that in conjunction with the rigorous cancer treatments and her resulting depleted immune system,, put her into fatal cardiac arrest..” gil was breathless by the time he finished delivering the startling news.. 

hank saw red.. “that fucking bastard!! he killed her!! he fucking killed her!!”

those were the last words gill heard before hank disconnected the call.. he tried unsuccessfully to redial several times.. each time his call was sent to voicemail.. 

“holy fuck!” gil exclaimed, as the light went on in his head.. “he’s gonna kill buzz!!”

with that gil sprinted out the door,, and with  lights and siren blaring,, he sped off in the direction of buzz millers new apartment.. he had to get there first.. he had to stop hank from making a life altering mistake.. even if buzz was guilty,, and he very well could be,, allowing hank to kill buzz would destroy so many lives.. and there was no way any amount of annihilation it was gonna bring jeannie back..

***

at first buzz just thought it was just the all the beer..  although he couldn’t figure out how a well-seasoned drinker like himself could be so adversely affected by fucking twelve pack,, there was no denying,, he was gonna puke.. 

as he brought himself into the sitting position on the edge of the bed,, his head began to swirl,, rendering him helplessly on the verge of blacking out..  before his head even stopped swimming,, an agonizing pain erupted as if he had been mercilessly stabbed in the stomach.. 

“ugh!!” buzz let out an involuntary grunt,, as he clutched his abdomen, racked with unbearable pain.. 

“mrs. dunn!! buzz tried to call out,, but his voice was all but inaudible.. 

“mrs, du…” he tried once more before he lost consciousness and slumped back on the bed.. 

mrs. dunn,, none the wiser,, put the finishing touches on the kitchen,, before she clicked off the light and headed toward her room.. 

“i am gonna have to watch him like a hawk.” she admonished herself as she entered the bedroom door,, clicked on the overhead light,, and closed the door behind her.. 

“he is worse than a child.. an obstinate,, disobedient child..” she said disapprovingly  to herself,,  as she slipped out of her button down  blouse and into her modest night gown..  

and if it was the last thing she ever did,, she concluded,, she would see to it that he was treated accordingly….