chapter 9

word count: 1532

fifteen minutes,, and two hot dogs later the conversation between elliot and adam had become less taught. while neither boy was yet willing to step out from behind the walls of their own comfort zone,, neither of them was really on the defensive any more either..

“so what are you doing over here anyway?” adam asked, as he shot the crumpled sleeve off his hot dog like a hockey puck across the table..

“i don’t know..” responded elliot, “i just took the 7 bus,, and this is where i ended up..”

there was a bit of an awkward silence,, as both boys seemed to register the fact that their common ground,, the hot dogs,, was gone, and neither quite knew where to go from here.

adam looked on,, as elliot drew his finger over the raised red cut on his arm.. “what did you do to your arm?”

“huh? oh that..” stammered elliot, quite unsure as to how to answer him,, “i,, um,, i cut it on some barbed wire.. it’s ok though.. it doesn’t even hurt..” he retorted quickly,, and without looking up,, afraid that even this little imp of a boy would be able to tell he was lying..

up until this moment,, it had never occurred to elliot that he would have to explain the cut on his arm to anyone.. he hadn’t really thought about anyone seeing it but him.. it was his private masterpiece.. he secretly wished he had worn a shirt with longer sleeves.. he didn’t want to talk about it,, he didn’t want to share it either.. somehow talking about it, just now, had cheapened it,, made it something he felt like he had to hide,, instead of proudly display.. he quickly slipped his arms under the table in an attempt to erase it from adam’s memory..

“so what are you gonna do now?” elliot asked hoping to change the course of the conversation..

“i dunno..” replied adam shortly,, looking down at the  floor as if it was going to give him a clue as to where they were to go from here.

it was true.. he didn’t know.. he hadn’t had a plan when he slipped out of the house unnoticed while his parents did whatever parents do behind the closed, locked door of their bedroom.. he had just seen that moment as a window of escape,, and taken it..

his dad had just closed another important case.. adam could tell by the way he wrapped his arms around his mom and snuggled into the nape of her neck in the kitchen this morning while she poured him a second cup of coffee.. he could tell by the tone of his dad’s voice,, as he animatedly, read from an article in this mornings new albany post,, that this was yet another proud day in the life of detective william “buzz” miller..

adam had no more interest in sharing in his fathers triumphs than he did in being the brunt of his wrath when he was actively embroiled in a case.. he knew,, that by sharing in his fathers moments of glory,, he only set himself up for another period of crushing despair when his father slipped back behind the mask of his next case.. he wondered yet again,, why his mother couldn’t see it?? why she always fell for it when his dad tried to make it alright by leading her into the bedroom with that smile on his face??

“well?” said elliot loud enough to drag adam out of his thoughts and back to the table at the west side dairy queen..

“huh?”

“i said, what is there to do around here?”

“jeez. um, well,,” adam said as he quickly scanned through his memory for something worth bringing to the table..  “i usually,, well,, i mean,, like,, do you like cats??”

“cats??” said elliot somewhat caught off guard..

“yeah,, cats.” adam replied shortly,, kind of wishing he hadn’t brought it up.. his mind raced between thoughts.. on one hand, wondering if elliot would think he was gay because he asked him about liking cats,, and on the other, not really knowing if he was ready to share the source of his secret happiness with anyone else..

“yeah.. i,, um,, well, i found a momma cat and three kittens under a bush in the vacant lot behind a here like a week ago.. they are still really, really small.. one of them still needs to open it’s eyes..” he trailed off hoping for elliot to cut in with a response one way or another before he revealed anything else about them..

“do they bite??” elliot interjected at last..

“i don’t think so.. i never touched ‘em.. i just looked.. the momma is scared of me,, so i just, kinda like tried to talk to her, you know.. i mean,, i just found ‘em,, so i don’t really know them that good yet..”

“ok,” elliot cut in, as adam trailed off. “let’s go see ‘em.”

“ok,” replied adam as he grabbed the crumpled sleeve off his hot dog and stood up from the table..

“i wonder if they eat hot dogs?? elliot mused aloud.. “maybe we should bring one just in case.. maybe if we bring one the momma will not be so afraid and we can pet ‘em this time.. let’s get one just in case..” elliot said as he too stood up from the table.. 

and so they did.. 

they walked in silence into the vacant lot just behind the dairy queen,, each armed with half a hot dog, sans the bun..  “they’re over there..” adam said as he pointed towards a clump of low growing bushes along the side of the brick building on the far side of the lot..

the boys walked softly,, as if the sound of their foot falls would send the momma and her kittens into a hasty retreat.. as they reached the bushes,, elliot drew back and adam went on ahead.. after all,, he had found them first..

adam crouched down,, and peered under the ground cover.. “hey,, they're gone..” he said aloud as if a curtain had been lifted, and they could come out of stealth mode.. he lifted the branch to take a closer look..

“oh my god!! adam let out the cry as he dropped his half of the hot dog to the ground..

“it’s dead!!” he called out,,  his voice,, magnified by the sheer panic of his discovery.. adam recognized the kitten immediately.. it had been the only one without it’s eyes open yesterday,, the last time he had checked on them..

elliot,, too,,  dropped his hot dog to the ground, and ran to adam’s side.. 

it was dead alright.. it had to be.. a large portion of it’s stomach was missing.. what was left of it was matted with blood.. “oh my god.” said elliot,, entranced.. he had never seen a dead thing before..  he couldn't look away..

“we gotta bury it.” adam said authoritatively, ending the brief silence.. “we can’t just leave it here..”

elliot slunk back a bit, “i’m not gonna touch it!!” he exclaimed yanking his arms back tight against his chest..

“that’s ok, “ said adam.. “i will..  i helped my mom bury our dog, tiny, once.. i know how..”

and he did.. he guided elliot through the process.. they found a stick,, and a broken wine bottle and together,, they dug a shallow grave.. when they were satisfied that it was deep enough,, adam pulled a discarded plastic grocery bag that was caught up at the base of a nearby bush,, and put his hand inside it.. he gingerly lifted the limp,, bloody carcass of the kitten from under the bush,, knelt down over the hole he and elliot had prepared,, and laid the kitten to rest.. he concluded by laying the discarded bag over the poor lifeless kitten,, and motioned for elliot to come kneel beside him..

together they lifted handfuls of dirt, rocks, and grass and covered the kitten.. they tamped the earthen covering down,, as if its being firm would in some way protect the little guy from further harm.. they sat down together, there in the ragged grass of the vacant lot,, and stared at the freshly turned ground in front of them..  

a little voice from somewhere deep inside each of them,, rose up and told them respectively, that neither of them would ever be the same.. they would forever share the tainted memory of this day.. the vision of the partially devoured, dead kitten.. the feeling of the earth dropping from between cupped hands,, covering it,, as together they sent it off on its journey to the great unknown..

“it doesn’t even have a name.” adam said breaking the silence.. he tilted his head to one side, and looked elliot right in the eye.. “maybe we could name him cutter.” adam said matter of factly,, never breaking his gaze..

“yeah.. yeah,, maybe we could.” replied elliot sheepishly,, as he quickly covered the red, raised wound on his arm with his dirt stained hand..

‘maybe this gangly, little, red haired boy was smarter than he looked..’ elliot thought silently as he diverted his guilty eyes and looked back at the shallow grave..  

“maybe we could..”