chapter 1

 word count: 794

mother’s full length, black lace house coat was cinched loosely at the waist with a red silk sash,, yet it  barely covered her thin, drape of peri-menopausal flesh in a way that would have conventionally been considered proper attire for a before school breakfast conversation with her 7 year old son...

but then,, little about mother had ever been conventional....

"so then i says to her,, i says,, ‘bertie,, it is none of his freaking business what you are doing with the money.. you are his freaking wife... he owes you...’”

“and then she says to me, she says ‘aw kid,, you know i can’t talk to him like that. he'll up and back hand me in the face!!!’"

“so i says to her, i says ‘that’s why i never keep the same freaking man around for long.. they are all alike.. bastards..’ you’s are all bastards, elli,, face it,, you was cursed when you was born a man.. if i’d a known then what i know now, i’d have had that abortion your bastard father,, may he rest in peace,, (without looking up and over his cereal box,, elliot was able to insert the sign of the cross being laid across his mothers head and chest) wanted me to have when he found out i was pregnant… filthy pig.. he has is way with me and then wants to cover it up by putting me thru that.. men,, you are all alike… only good for one thing.. that’s what i always sa…….”

elliot had to concentrate hard to keep his eyes focused on the box of life cereal that sat in front of him.. he forced himself to wonder for the umpteenth time why they never had any of the good stuff on the life cereal box.  no secret codes to unravel, no comic book series to look forward to,, no fill in the blanks,, nothing that could help him drown out the splintering babble coming at him at full blast from across the kitchen table… he wondered why she never bought him real kids cereal.. the kind with the toy inside,, the coupons to collect for free baseball mitts,, the kind all the other kids at school were surely sitting down to every morning when he had to eat,, life cereal..

“its good for you,,” his mother had said,, and after all,, as he well knew,, mother always knew best…. 

his eyes wandered over the top of the box just in time to witness mothers cigarette ashes falling just short of landing in her coffee cup… he quickly averted his eyes,, flashing down to the list of ingredients he had memorized six months ago…”bleached and unbleached wheat flour, high fructose….”

“ so anyways,,  then i says to her,, i says… ‘you just tell him, i says…’” as luck would have it “uncle” john peered in the arched doorway to the kitchen and mother stopped mid sentence..

“you need to get your ass to work, hon,, you're late already.. i woke you up over an hour ago what the hell took you so long??  you better not have been in there stinkin’ up my bathroom... you know i have to get my face on and get off to work soon  myself…”

without even taking a breath,, she continued, “did you leave me that money i asked you for??  remember,, for the phone bill??  and it wouldn’t hurt if you threw in a couple of extra bucks for the light bill,,, after all honey,,, you ought to know i'm worth it.. don’t cha huh?? you know don’t cha??  she purred as she trailed after him toward the front door…

elliot dumped the rest of his cereal in the trash can,, and ruffled up its contents so it wouldn’t be laying on top,, where mother would see it and get mad at him for wasting food.. (“there are starving kids in africa…”) he took his milk money and his lunch off the counter and stuffed them in his back pack.. he threw his back pack over one shoulder and waited…

he knew it was safer to wait right here.. he had made the mistake of following mother and any number of “uncle” john’s to the front door before,, and he would just as soon leave for school without seeing any of “that” this morning…

he watched the second hand move slowly over the face of the clock over the stove.. it hesitated,,, moved back and then jumped forward… pause- back- jump -pause -back –jump- pause –back- jump… he beat the rhythm out vocally inside his brain.. over an over,, louder and louder inside his head until it blocked out the unsuccessfully muffled moaning and gasping he knew was coming from the living room…