Chapter 208

word count 1014

“That damned kid! When I see him, I'm gonna kill him! Jumpin' out the bathroom window to get away from me. We'll see about that!” Trudy looked ready to blow her top.

“Cut him a break. You can be pretty scary...even to me sometimes.” Buzz tried to offer humor but a glance at Trudy revealed it hadn't worked. She fidgeted in the seat, red-faced, wringing her hands. Looking at her, upset Buzz. Suddenly the temperature in the Crown Vic seemed to skyrocket. Sweat on the back of his neck cooled the skin, but hot air still assaulted his face.

Why in the hell did he put up with her? It was like living with a time bomb that you knew was scheduled to blow, but you didn't know when.

“I'm gonna kill him! I'm really gonna kill him!”

Buzz stiffened at her words. He thought about Adam and how he missed him...and how the boy now wanted nothing to do him. It was a pain so deep he found it indescribable in never having felt its full force, because he kept it in constant denial. But it bubbled to the surface at times like this when people didn't appreciate their own kids. Watching, he felt like killing people like that, as if it would relieve his own feelings of torment. The ache was uncontrollable. It was a kind of pain he didn't understand never having experienced it totally. And he had no idea how to deal with it. Right now, it was eating away at him like a hungry bear. The more Trudy fussed, the worse it got.

All that, and then there was the strain of dealing with the volatility of Trudy herself. He was so tired of chasing after her to keep the crazed woman under control. It was like trying to keep up with a sugar-infused two-year-old, the bratty kind who talked back. It was taking a toll on him. And the truth be told, he wasn't known for placating women. Far from it.

“There's the Dairy Queen! Wait until I get my hands on him!” Her face flushed red as a tomato and her hands clenched.

“Trudy, calm down.” He couldn't let her near the boy in this state.

“Oh, YOU calm down. I'm sick and tired of ya pushing me around. Everyone treats me like a goddamn baby.”

“Maybe that's because you act like a baby.” His fingers pounded the steering wheel as he made the turn into the DQ parking lot. He seethed.

“Don't talk to me like that. Like you have room to talk when it comes to having adoring children. When was the last time Adam gave you the time of day?"

His ears sizzled hearing the remark while his heart nose-dived deep inside to slam against that painful spot he fought to avoid every day. He was a failure as a father, and Trudy and everyone knew it. Worst of all, he might be no better than her. The realization exploded and fired up like a nuclear cloud of angst. Slamming his fist on the dash, he turned to glare at Trudy. She reacted.

The expression on her face gave him extreme satisfaction. Just the way he liked it before he plunged. Her eyes were tiny, shrunken in fear, and her cheeks went pale before his eyes. Her hands trembled.

He gave her only a split-second glance, one to assure him the situation was ripe. He gathered the horrific pain that had sprung up, thanks to her, and used its tremendous force to slam his fist into Trudy's face. She earned it.

At first, she was motionless as though in shock. She raised a shaky hand to catch blood dripping from her nose as a red fist mark formed on the side of her face. She looked at him like a hurt puppy, then jerked and reached for the door handle, bolting from the car.

He looked at her in dismay, regretting his loss of control, pumping his fist in the other hand, trying to put together the pieces of what he'd done. That was when he spotted Elliot in the restaurant doorway. He was standing with two strange men in religious clothes.

She followed his gaze to see, too. And then Trudy started again. Coming out of her daze, she started screaming. At first it was a howl, like a wild animal. But then, the words became clearer, punctuated by arms waving and foot stomping. A typical Trudy tantrum.

“Buzz Miller, I hope you drop dead. I never want to see you again. EVER.”

Seeing Elliot, so like his Adam, emotions zigzagged and juxtaposed in his head like a kaleidoscope gone wild. He didn't know what to respond to first. And then, he knew. The overwhelming emotion eating at him was shame, with defeat racing into second place. He'd slammed Trudy, failed to control his anger again. It was hopeless. A dark cloud moved in and smothered him...then propelled him with bolts of anxiety. He had to get away, from Trudy, his job, everything. He got out of the car and slammed the door. Trudy was still at it, screaming. When he got out, she headed his way. But he would have none of it. He made his way to the edge of the highway and picked his way across, dodging cars. His eyes were full of tears. Once when a car came close, he reached for his gun, realizing he was no longer allowed to carry a gun. He made it to the other side and disappeared in a woodsy area along the road.

“Hmmph, he walked off.” Trudy stood with hands on hips, puzzling with the problem. Then she remembered Elly and turned on her heel to look toward the Dairy Queen. But Elliot was no longer in the doorway.

* * *

“Thanks for letting me stay with you,” Elliot said.

“Well, if that crazy woman was your mother, it's better you stick with us,” Jacob said. “Now where does your father live? We'll get you home.”